11 Feb 2019
I’ve struggled with temporality and impermanence for as long as I can remember. Maybe it has something to do with my upbringing by political refugees. As a child of refugees I do not feel any personal connection to history. My parents and family were forced to flee from their homeland, and started a there family in a foreign land with strange customs. Growing up in this in-between affected my perception of home and a permanence.
I was originally born in Minnesota. I moved to California when I was around age seven. We moved to a typical suburb outside of Los Angeles. This was my first move. Location was pretty static for the next stages of my life - adolescence, young adult, beginning of college. When I turned 21 I left my hometown and since then I keep changing cities every couple of years.
Impermanence is an essential doctrine and one of the three marks of existence in Buddhism. I’ve always had a problem dealing with this part of life. My greatest fear in life is
to be left behind. I’m not really sure where this fear came from but it runs deep. In my personal relationships I am very introverted and reluctant to let people in my inner circle and worse still is that whenpeople come and go I preemptively lose contact.
I never know where I’m going to be in a year but I’m trying harder to open myself and live for the moment.